Old but Gold!!!….If YOu want to Laugh Again is O.K..

Q: What will u call a person who is leaving India?? A : Hindustan Leaver. ******** Q: What will u call a person who leaves India, but doesn’t travel much?? A: Hindustan Leaver Limited. ******** Q: A Man asked Santa, “Akal badhi ya bhains? “ A: Santa bola, “ Pehle date of birth to batao.“ ******** Q: Why was Santa writing the exam near the door? A: Because it was an entrance exam. ******** Q: What’s Ford? A: Gaadi. ******** Q: What’s Oxford? A: So simple, Bail Gaadi ******** Q: Whats difference between a man jumping from 1st floor and a man jumping from 10th floor? A: Former goes (hit) aaaaaaaaa, the later goes aaaaaaaaa (hit) ******** Q: Other than being fruits, what is common between an apple and an orange? A:They both are not a banana !! ******** A sardarji went to a STD/ISD/PCO SHOP and slapped the operator twice. Guess why ? Because there it was written “Number dial karne se pehele do lagae”

Suresh Dalal..says.But,one can say NO!

શું છે ? - સુરેશ દલાલ

ધિક્કાર શું છે ?
પ્રેમશૂન્યતા.

પ્રેમ શું છે ?
હ્રદય રિકતતા.

હ્રદય શું છે ?
પ્રેમની સભરતા.

ચહેરો શું છે ?
ખભા પરની નિશાની.

આંખ શું છે ?
ઊંડા કૂવાનાં કોરાં પાણી.

સંબંધ શું છે ?
ઉઝરડા… ઉઝરડા…

યૌવન શું છે ?
વૃધ્દ્રાવસ્થાની પૂર્વ અવસ્થા.

આવતી કાલ શું છે ?
આજની પ્રતીક્ષા.

માણસ શું છે ?
ભૂખ અને ભિક્ષા.

જીવન શું છે ?
મરણ તરફની ગતિ.

પ્રશ્ર્નો શું છે ?
અનુત્તર ઉત્તરની સ્થિતિ.

- સુરેશ દલાલ

IF YOU WANT TO TRY!

Herbal Skin Care Tips

Here are 22 practical Herbal Tips for Skin Care from the experts! Very easy to use and effective.
1) Drink at least 8 glasses of water every day.

2) Cut some beet root into small pieces and grind them. Squeeze juice from beet root and massage to your face for 5 minutes. Shower after 10 minutes with mild soap or gram flour.
 

3) Mix sandalwood powder with rose water and add 4 to 5 drops of milk in it and apply on to your face and body. Shower after 15 minutes with warm water.

 
4) Mix honey in water and drink daily in the morning to keep your skin shiny and smooth.

 
5) Warm honey and mix with lemon juice and apply on to face. Wash after it dry.

 
6) Mix Turmeric, sandal powder and olive oil and apply to body. Shower after 10 minutes.

 
7) Massage your skin with milk. Milk has moisturizer, it will keep your skin smooth.

 
Use humidifiers and keep room temperature moderate to keep your skin away from dryness.

 
9) Hot water blushes your skin and you don’t feel fresh unless you have bath with little cold water. If you have shower for a longtime, dead skin will be automatically be removed. Do not rub with towel, be gentle on your skin.

 
10) Take food which contains more A and C vitamin.

 
11) Grate carrot and boil. Massage that mixture to body to get fair and smooth skin.

12) For natural bleaching: - mix milk and lemon juice. The
milk will break as soon as you mix the lemon juice in it. Use that mixture to massage on your body. It works as natural bleaching.
 

13) Mix turmeric and cream on the top of milk, massage that mixture to body.
 

14) If you go into sun your skin will lost the fair ness. To get your skin color to normal take equal quantities of cucumber juice and tomato juice and apply on to skin. Shower after 10 minutes.
 

15) Massage mustard oil to your skin for 5 minutes and have shower with gram flour or mild soap.
 

16) Mix cream on the top of milk and all-purpose flour and apply that paste on to your skin avoid eyes, eyebrows and lips. Shower after 5 minutes. This will make skin smooth.

 
17) Mix curds (yogurt) with wheat flour and apply to your skin and take shower after 5 minutes.
 

18) Grind rose petals and mix with cream on the top of milk and apply to your body. Shower after 10 minutes.

 
19) Scaly skin is a result of fluorine deficiency. Fluorine is the anti-resistant element of the human body, the absence of which creates problems in the blood and spleen. Since cooking and heating foods destroys fluorine, it is better to eat uncooked raw fruits and vegetables. Other foods rich in fluorine are goat milk and cheese, rye flour, avocados, sea plants and cabbage, cream whey and cottage cheese.

 
20) Wrinkle skin is a result of Sodium deficiency and makes skin sticky. Cucumbers are ideal for combating and preventing sodium deficiency because they are not only high in sodium, but also help in keeping the body cool, a great summer’s treat.
 

21) Skin rashes are the result of silicon deficiency. To avoid pus and rashes, eat plenty of sprouts, alfalfa, barley, tomatoes, spinach, strawberries and figs.

 
22) Skin eruptions are the result of Chlorophyll. And are found in wheat grass and other green leafy vegetables

Surgeons talk!!! Is this True?

Five surgeons are discussing who are the best type of surgical patients.

The first surgeon says, “I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.”

The second responds, “Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded.”

The third surgeon says, “No, I really think librarians are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order.”

The fourth surgeon chimes in, “You know, I like construction workers … those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would.”

But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed, “You’re all wrong.

Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There are no guts, no heart, and no spine, and the head and butt are interchangeable.

how true this joke is in present context in India……!!!

Political Science for Dummies

POLITICAL SCIENCE FOR DUMMIES DEMOCRATIC You have two cows.  Your neighbor has none.  You feel guilty for being successful.  REPUBLICANISM  You have two cows.  Your neighbor has none.  So?  SOCIALIST You have two cows.  The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.   You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow. COMMUNIST You have two cows.  The government seizes both and provides you with milk.   You wait in line for hours to get it.  It is expensive and sour. CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE  You have two cows.  You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.  BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE  You have two cows.  Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.  AMERICAN CORPORATION  You have two cows.  You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.   You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.  Your stock goes up.  FRENCH CORPORATION  You have two cows.  You go on strike because you want three cows.   You go to lunch and drink wine.  Life is good. JAPANESE CORPORATION  You have two cows.  You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.   They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.  Most are at the top of their class at cow school. GERMAN CORPORATION  You have two cows.  You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.   Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year. ITALIAN CORPORATION  You have two cows but you don’t know where they are.   While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.  You break for lunch.  Life is good. RUSSIAN CORPORATION  You have two cows.  You have some vodka.  You count them and learn you have five cows.   You have some more vodka.  You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.  The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have. TALIBAN CORPORATION  You have all the cows in   Afghanistan, which are two.  You don’t milk them because you cannot touch any creature’s private parts.  You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.  IRAQI CORPORATION  You have two cows.  They go into hiding.  They send radio tapes of their mooing.  POLISH CORPORATION  You have two bulls.  Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.  BELGIAN CORPORATION  You have one cow.  The cow is schizophrenic.  Sometimes the cow thinks he’s French, other times he’s Flemish.   The Flemish cow won’t share with the French cow.  The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow’s milk.  The cow asks permission to be cut in half.  The cow dies happy. FLORIDA CORPORATION  You have a black cow and a brown cow.  Everyone votes for the best looking one.   Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one.  Some people vote for both.  Some people vote for neither.  Some people can’t figure out how to vote at all.  Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best-looking cow.  CALIFORNIA CORPORATION  You have millions of cows.  They make real California cheese.   Only five speak English.  Most are illegal.  Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.

 

આજની જોક

જ્હોન( 65 વરસ) અને બીલ ( 90 વરસ ) વચ્ચે સંવાદ

જ્હોન

• મને ખબર મળી કે તું લગન કરવાનો છે?

બીલ

• હા , યાર! 

જ્હોન

• તું તેને ઘણા વખતથી જાણતો હોઈશ.

બીલ

• ના રે ના  

જ્હોન

• એ બહુ રુપાળી છે?

બીલ

• બીલકુલ નહીં.

જ્હોન

• સરસ રસોઈ બનાવે છે?

બીલ

• ના, એને કશું આવડતું નથી.

જ્હોન

• તો તો બહુ ડોલરવાળી હશે.

બીલ

• અરે , સાવ લુખ્ખી છે. મારા કરતાંય.

જ્હોન

• તો તો પથારીમાં તને ઠીક આનંદ આપશે.

બીલ

•  હોતું હશે? સાવ ઠંડી છે.

જ્હોન

•  તો કેમ?

બીલ 

•  એ હજુ કાર ચલાવી શકે છે.  

***********
A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old
buddy:
‘So I hear you’re getting married?’
‘Yep!’
‘Do I! know he r?’
‘Nope!’
‘This woman, is she good looking?’
‘Not really.’
‘Is she a good cook?’
‘Naw, she can’t cook too well.’
‘Does she have lots of money?’
‘Nope! Poor as a church mouse.’
‘Well, then, is she good in bed?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘Why in the world do you want to marry her then?’
‘Because she can still drive!’

આજની જોક

નેવું વરસનાં અમેરીકન કાકા કાકી વચ્ચેનો સંવાદ ( બન્ને યાદ રાખવામાં મારા જેવા મહાન છે ! )  

કાકા

• હું રસોડામાં જઉં છું. તારે માટે કાંઈક લેતો આવું ?

કાકી

• આઈસક્રીમનો કપ લાવજો. લખી લો , નહીં તો ભુલી જશો.

કાકા

• ના, ના, યાદ રહેશે.

કાકી

• ઉપર સ્ટ્રોબેરી મુકશો?

કાકા

• ચોક્કસ.

કાકી

• લખી લો ને. ભુલી જશો.

કાકા

• અરે, એમ તે હોય?  

કાકી

• તો એમ કરો, આઈસક્રીમ ઉપર ક્રીમ પણ મુકજો. લો, હવે તો લખી જ લો, ભુલી જવાશે.

કાકા

•  અરે! અમે કોણ ? સીપાઈ બચ્ચા.

અડધો કલાક પછી, કાકા બોડું માથું ખંજવાળતાં; ડીશમાં સેવ મમરા લઈને પાછા આવ્યા.

કાકી

• જો હું કહેતી હતી ને ? ભુલી જ ગયા ને? મેં જોડે બુંદી લાવવાનું નહોતું કહ્યું?

આજની જોક

     હોસ્પીટલના નીયમો પ્રમાણે, જે દરદીને ઘેર જવા રજા આપવામાં આવે; તેને વ્હીલચેરમાં બેસાડીને તેના વાહન સુધી લઈ જવા જોઈએ.  હુ તે વખતે નર્સીંગનું ભણી રહ્યો હતો. તે દીવસે સવારે એક ખાટલામાં એક કાકાને તૈયાર થઈ, હાથમાં સુટકેસ લઈ બેઠેલા મેં જોયા.

હું તેમને  માટે વ્હીલચેર લઈ આવ્યો. તેમણે કહ્યું

• ના, ના,  હું તો ચાલી શકું તેમ છું.

      એમને મેં હોસ્પીટલનો નીયમ સમજાવ્યો. ઘણી આનાકાની બાદ હું તેમને વ્હીલચેરમાં લીફ્ટ સુધી લઈ ગયો. નીચે  પહોંચ્યા બાદ મેં તેમને પુછ્યું :

• તમારાં પત્ની તમને લેવા આવવાનાં છે?

કાકા

• અરે એ તો રુમની અંદર  બાથરુમમાં હોસ્પીટલનો ગાઉન ઉતારી ઘરનાં કપડાં પહેરવા ગઈ છે !!

God and G.M.

God & Gujarati &  Marwaris  ( G.M)……

G.M. having no child, no money, no home, a blind mother, prays to God.

God feels happy with his prayers and grants him only one wish !

G.M.: I want my mother to see my wife putting Diamond bangles on my Child’s hands in our new mansion!

God:    Damn; I still have a lot to learn from these Gujju’s  & Marwari’s

 

 

આજની જોક

એક બુઢ્ઢા દમ્પતી બીજા એવા જ દમ્પતીના ઘેર જમવા ગયા. બન્ને કાકીઓ રસોડામાં ગયાં.

હવે કાકાઓ વચ્ચેનો સંવાદ સાંભળો. આપણે તેમને કરસન અને મગન કહીશું.

કરસન

• અમે  કાલે રાતે એક હોટલમાં જમવા ગયા હતા; બહુ મજા આવી હતી.

મગન

• એમ? એ હોટલનું નામ શું?

કરસન ( ઘણી વાર પછી, માથું ખંજવાળતાં)

• પેલા ફુલનું નામ શું, જે લાલ હોય છે, અને તેની ડાળી પર કાંટા હોય છે અને જે આપણે બીજાને આવકારવા આપીએ છીએ?

મગન

• ગુલાબ?

કરસન

• હા, બળ્યું એ જ.

કરસન ( પછી રસોડા તરફ વળીને)

• અરે ગુલાબ! આપણે કાલે ગયા હતા; તે હોટલનું નામ શું?