હાસ્ય દરબાર

એક જુવાન આઈ.એ.એસ.ના ઈન્ટરવ્યુ માટે ગયો. તેના સવાલ જવાબ…..

• ભારતને સ્વરાજ્ય ક્યારે મળ્યું?
  • તે માટેના પ્રયત્નો થોડાક વર્શ પહેલાં શરુ થયા હતા અને તેનું પરીણામ 1947માં આવ્યું હતું.
• આપણા સ્વરાજ્ય માટે કોણ જવાબદાર હતું?
  • તેને માટે તો ઘણા હતા. કોનું નામ દઉં? એકનું નામ આપું તો બીજાને અન્યાય થાય.
• શું ભ્રશ્ટાચાર દેશનો પહેલા નંબરનો દુશ્મન છે?
  • આ બાબતમાં કાંઈક રીસર્ચ ચાલી રહી છે અને તેનો રીપોર્ટ આવે પછી જ ચોકસાઈથી જવાબ આપી શકાય.

આ જવાબો સાંભળીને ઈન્ટરવ્યુ બોર્ડને તેની સ્વતંત્ર વીચારશક્તી માટે માન થયું. તેમણે તેને આ જવાબો બીજા કોઈને નહીં કહેવાનો આદેશ આપ્યો. 
તે બહાર આવ્યો ત્યારે બધાએ તેને શા સવાલો પુછાયા તે અંગે જણાવવા કહ્યું. તેણે નમ્રતાથી બધાને ના પાડી દીધી.

પણ સાંતા જેનું નામ. તેણે આ યુવાનનો કેડો ન મુક્યો. 

સાંતા - “સવાલ નહીં તો જવાબ તો કહે.”

પેલા યુવાને બધા જવાબો કહી દીધા. જવાબો કહેવાની ક્યાં ના પાડી હતી? !

હવે સાંતાનો વારો આવ્યો. તેની અરજી બરાબર અક્ષર ન હોવાને કારણે વંચાતી ન હતી. આથી  નીચે પ્રમાણે સવાલ જવાબ થયા -

• તમારી જન્મ તારીખ કઈ છે?
  • તે માટે પ્રયત્નો અમુક વર્શ પહેલાં થયા હતા અને છેવટનું પરીણામ 1947માં આવ્યું હતું.;
• તમારા પીતાનું નામ શું ?
  • તેને માટે તો ઘણા હતા. કોનું નામ દઉં? એકનું નામ આપું તો બીજાને અન્યાય થાય.
• અરે તમે પાગલ તો નથી ને?
  • આ બાબતમાં કાંઈક રીસર્ચ ચાલી રહી છે; અને તેનો રીપોર્ટ આવે પછી જ ચોકસાઈથી જવાબ આપી શકાય.

AN INTERESTING CONVERSATION
read it till the end

An atheist professor of philosophy speaks to his class on the problem science has with God, The Almighty.  He asks one of his new students to stand and…..

Prof : So you believe in God?
Student : Absolutely, sir.
Prof : Is God good?
Student : Sure.
Prof : Is God all-powerful?
Student : Yes.
Prof : My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to God to heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But God didn’t. How is this God good then? Hmm?
(Student is silent.)

Prof : You can’t answer, can you? Let’s start again, young fellow. Is God good?
Student : Yes.
Prof : Is Satan good?
Student : No.
Prof : Where does Satan come from?
Student : From…God…
Prof : That’s right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?  
Student: Yes.  
Prof : Evil is everywhere, isn’t it? And God did make everything. Correct?  
Student: Yes.
Prof : So who created evil?

(Student does not answer.)

Prof : Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? ß All these terrible things exist in the world, don’t they?
Student : Yes, sir.
Prof : So, who created them?

(Student has no answer.)

Prof : Science says you have 5 senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Tell me, son…Have you ever seen God?
Student : No, sir.
Prof : Tell us if you have ever heard your God?
Student : No, sir.
Prof : Have you ever felt your God, tasted your God, smelt your God? Have you ever had any sensory perception of God for that matter?
Student : No, sir. I’m afraid I haven’t.
Prof : Yet you still believe in Him?
Student : Yes.  
Prof : According to empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your GOD doesn’t exist. What do you say to that, son?
Student : Nothing. I only have my faith.
Prof : Yes , Faith ! And that is the problem science has.

Student: Professor, is there such a thing as heat?
Prof : Yes.
Student : And is there such a thing as cold?
Prof : Yes.
Student : No sir. There isn’t.

(The lecture theatre becomes very quiet with this turn of events.)

Student : Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don’t have anything called cold. We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat, but we can’t go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold.  Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.

(There is pin-drop silence in the lecture theatre.)

Student : What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?  
Prof: Yes. What is night if there isn’t darkness?

Student : You’re wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light….But if you have no light constantly, you have nothing and its called darkness, isn’t it? In reality, darkness isn’t. If it were you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn’t you?  
Prof: So what is the point you are making, young man?
Student : Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed.  
Prof : Flawed? Can you explain how?
Student : Sir, you are working on the premise of duality. You argue there is life and then there is death, a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science can’t even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life: just the absence of it. Now tell me, Professor. Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?
Prof : If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do.
Student : Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?  
(The Professor shakes his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument is going.)

Student : Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a scientist but a preacher?

(The class is in uproar.)  

Student : Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor’s brain?

(The class breaks out into laughter.)

Student : Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor’s brain, felt it, touched or smelt it? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain, sir.  With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir?  

(The room is silent. The professor stares at the student, his face unfathomable.)  

Prof : I guess you’ll have to take them on faith, son.
Student : That is it sir… The link between man & god is FAITH. That is all that keeps things moving & alive.

I believe you have enjoyed the conversation…and if so…you’ll probably want your friends/colleagues to enjoy the same…won’t you? So do forward them to increase their knowledge… this is a true story, and the student was none other than: Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam, The Past President of India

NEW WAY TO DO CAR JACKINGS

(NOT A JOKE)
Heads up everyone! Please, keep this circulating…
You walk across the parking lot, unlock your car and get inside.
You start the engine and shift into Reverse.

When you look into the rearview mirror to back out of your parking space, you notice a piece of paper stuck to the middle of the rear window. So, you shift into Park, unlock your doors, and jump out of your car to remove that paper (or whatever I t is) that is obstructing your view.
When you reach the back of your car, that is when the
Car jackers appear out of nowhere, jump in to your car
And take off.
They practically mow you down as they speed
Off in your car.
And guess what, ladies? I bet your purse is still in the car.
So now the carjacker has your car, your home address, your money, and your keys. Your home and your whole identity are now compromised!
 
BEWARE OF THIS NEW SCHEME THAT IS

NOW BEING USED….

Remove the paper later. And be thankful that you read this e-mail.

I hope you will forward this to friends and family, especially to women.

A purse contains all kinds of personal information and identification documents, and you certainly do NOT want this to fall into the wrong hands.

છીંડે ચડ્યો તે ચોર

• ગ્રીલ કાપે તે ચોર.

કાગડા બધે કાળા.

• નેતા બધે નગુણા.

પાશેરામાં પહેલી પુણી.

• સવાર સવારમાં ડાકુને બોણી.  

ડુબતો તણખલાને પકડે.

• હારતો હથીયારને પકડે.

લગ્ને લગ્ને કુંવારો.

• ચુંટણીએ ચુંટણીએ હારેલો.

-  કાસમ અબ્બાસ કાલાવડવાળા

After numerous rounds of “We don’t even know if Osama is still live,”

Osama himself decided to send George Bush a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game.

Bush opened the letter and it contained a single line of Coded message:

370H-SSV-0773H

Bush was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Condoleezza Rice. Condi and her aides had not a clue either, so they sent it to the FBI.

No one could solve it at the FBI so it went to the CIA, then to MI6  and Mossad.

Eventually they asked Australian Intelligence (ASIO) for help. Within a minute ASIO emailed the White House with this reply: “Tell the President he’s holding the message upside down.”

પત્ની

• અરે સાંભળો છો ? સામે ફુટપાથ પર બેઠેલો ભીખારી અંધ નથી પણ ઢોંગ કરતો હોય એમ લાગે છે.

પતી

• તને શેના પરથી આવું લાગે છે?

પત્ની

• ગઈકાલે હું અહીંથી પસાર થઈ ત્યારે તેણે મને કહ્યું  ‘સુંદરી, ભગવાનના નામ પર કંઈક આપતા જાઓ.’

પતી

• એણે તને સુંદરી કહ્યું છે, એને ક્ષમા આપી દે. પ્રીયે!  એ ખરેખર અંધ છે.

એકાઉન્ટન્ટની  નોકરી માટેનો ઈન્ટરવ્યુ ….

માલીક

બોલો બે ને બે કેટલા થાય?

ઉમેદવાર

બોલો , સાહેબ! તમારે કેટલા કરવા છે?

અને તેને   નોકરી મળી ગઈ.

- કાસમ અબ્બાસ કાલાવડવાળા

ભીખારી

• બહેન, આઠ આના આપોને.

સ્ત્રી

• અત્યારે, શેઠ ઘરમાં નથી.

ભીખારી

• ઘરમાં તમારી આઠ આના જેટલી કીમ્મત પણ નથી?

 I was feeling depressed last week, so I called the mental health help 

 line. Like all other call centres, it has been outsourced to a third world location. 

 When I told the operator in Pakistan that I was feeling suicidal, he got 

 very excited and wanted to know if I could drive a truck or fly a plane.

MORRIS AND HIS WIFE, ESTHER WENT TO THE STATE FAIR EVERY YEAR.