The Book Report

Students were assigned to read 2 books, “Titanic” & “MyLife” by Bill Clinton.
One smart-ass student turned in the following book report, with the proposition that they were nearly identical stories!
His cool professor gave him an A+ for this report.
Titanic:…… $29.99
Clinton :….. $29.99
Titanic:….. Over 3 hours to read
Clinton :….. Over 3 hours to read 
Titanic:….. The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and ensuing catastrophe.
Clinton :….. The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and ensuing catastrophe.
Titanic:….. Jack is a starving artist.
Clinton :….. Bill is a bullshit artist.
Titanic:….. In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
Clinton :….. Ditto for Bill.
Titanic:….. During the ordeal, Rose’s dress gets ruined.
Clinton :….. Ditto for Monica.
Titanic:….. Jack teaches Rose to spit.
Clinton :….. Let’s not go there.
Titanic:….. Rose gets to keep her jewelry.
Clinton :….. Monica’s forced to return her gifts.
Titanic:….. Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
Clinton :….. Clinton doesn’t remember Jack.
Titanic:….. Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen.
Clinton :….. Monica…ooh, let’s not go there, either.
Titanic:….. Jack surrenders to an icy death.
Clinton :….. Bill goes home to Hilary - basically the same thing.

world’s Easiest Quiz.

WORLD’S EASIEST QUIZ….. Wait for the Answers.  (Passing requires 4 correct answers)

1) How long did the Hundred Years’ War last? 2) Which country makes Panama hats?

3) From which animal do we get catgut?

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?

5) What is a camel’s hair brush made of?

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?

7) What was King George VI’s first name?

What color is a purple finch?

9) Where are Chinese Gooseberries from?

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?

All done?

Remember, you need 4 correct answers to pass. Check your answers.

1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?     116 years2) Which country makes Panama hats?   Ecuador

3) From which animal do we get cat gut?    Sheep and Horses

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?   November

5) What is a camel’s hair brush made of? Squirrel fur

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?   Dogs

7) What was King George VI’s first name? Albert

What color is a purple finch?    Crimson

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?    New Zealand

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?     Orange , of course.

What do you mean, you failed?

Me, too. (And if you try to tell me you passed, you lie!)

BOLD STATEMENTS

BOLD STATEMENTS

God is real, unless declared integer.

Before borrowing money from a friend, decide whether you need more.

 Death is hereditary.

There are three sides to every argument: your side, my side and the right side.

An expert is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.

 Many things can be preserved in alcohol. Dignity is not one of them.

Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.

When you”re right, no one remembers. When you”re wrong, no one forgets.

Cheer up,the worst is yet to come.

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

Well done is better than well said.

Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make them when nobody is looking.

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won”t expect it back.

If you can”t see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

Where there”s a will there are five hundred relatives.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

Vilas M Bhonde

આજની જોક

છોકરો

બસ, ટ્રેન અને છોકરી બધી એક જ સરખી જ. એક જાય તો બીજી આવે અને બીજી જાય તો ત્રીજી આવે.  

છોકરી

છોકરાઓ રીક્ષા જેવા હોય છે. એકને બોલાવો તો ચાર દોડી આવે.