હાસ્ય દરબાર

Entries from July 2007

“AAADD”-Age Activated Attention Defit Disorder.

July 24, 2007 · 1 Comment

Thank goodness there’s a name for this disorder. Somehow I feelbetter,even though I have it!!    THANKS DR.  TRIVEDI

Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. - Age Activated Attention

Deficit Disorder. This is how it manifests:

I decide to water my garden.

As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide  it needs washing.

As I start toward the garage, I notice mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier.

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

I lay my car keys on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage can  under the table, and notice that the can is full.

So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the  garbage first.

But then I think, since I’m going to be near the mailbox when I take  out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.

I take my check book off the table, and see that there is only one  check left.

My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house  to my desk where I find the can of Coke I’d been drinking.

If you’re starting to lose track of what’s happening in this story, YOU  HAVE IT already!

I’m going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Coke  aside so that I don’t accidentally knock it over.

The Coke is getting warm, and I decide to put it in the refrigerator to  keep it cold.

As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke, a vase of flowers on the  counter catches my eye–they need water.

I put the Coke on the counter and discover my reading glasses that I’ve  been searching for all morning.

I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I’m going to water the flowers.

I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table.

I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I’ll be looking for the remote, but I won’t remember that it’s on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I’ll water the flowers.

I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor.

So, I set the remote back on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill.

Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day:

the car isn’t washed,the bills aren’t paid,there is a warm can of Coke sitting on the counter,the flowers don’t have enough water,there is still only 1 check in my check book,I can’t find the remote,I can’t find my glasses,and I don’t remember what I did with the car keys.

Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I’m really baffled because I know I was busy all damn day, and I’m really tired.

I realize this is a serious problem, and I’ll try to get some help for it, but first I’ll check my e-mail….

Do me a favor. Forward this message to everyone you know, because I don’t remember who the hell I’ve sent it to…….

IF YOU THINK …HELP ME OUT !!!!

IF YOUR FRIENDS LIKE SUCH A JOKE TO READ 

GIVE OUR BLOG ADDRESS. “http://dhavalrajgeera.wordpress/com

                                                            ”HASYADARBAR”

Don’t laugh — if this isn’t you yet, your day is coming!!

Have a good day!

Categories: English

આજની જોક

July 24, 2007 · No Comments

એક ગાંડો 

આ સુર્ય જ છે ભાઈ.

બીજો

ના, ના ચંદ્ર છે ચંદ્ર.

બન્ને વચ્ચે ખાસી ખેચંતાણી ચાલી. અંતે એમણે હતી એટલી બુદ્ધી વાપરીને ત્રીજા કોઈને પુછ્યું -

અરે ભાઈસાબ, આ સુર્ય છે કે ચંદ્ર ?

ત્રીજો

મને ના પુછશો. હું અહીં નવો આવ્યો છું.

Categories: આજની જોક

IN EYES OF A WOMAN THE MAN !

July 23, 2007 · 1 Comment

1. Only a man would buy a clinker of $500 car and put a $4000 expensive stereo in it

2. All the women moaning about finding a husband have obviously never had one.

3. Behind every great man is a puzzled woman.

Behind every great woman is a man telling her she’s ignoring him.

4. Wife: Do you love me just because my father left me a fortune?

Husband: Not at all honey, I would love you no matter who left you the money.

5. We try to keep him out of the kitchen. Last time he cooked, he burned the salad.

6. Did you hear about the woman who finally figured men out?

She died laughing before she could tell anybody.

“My wife and I share the cleaning of our grandchild’s dirty diapers

50/50 …She takes the first 5 years and I take the rest!”

Q: Why do men prefer blondes?

A: Men always like intellectual company.

Q: Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?

A: Because if they all went, it would be Hell.

Q: Why do men like love at first sight?

A: It saves them a lot of time.

Q: Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?

A: To stop the snoring before it starts.

Q: Why don’t men have mid-life crises?

A: They stay stuck in adolescence.

Q: Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

A: For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

Q: Why are husbands like lawn mowers?

A: They’re hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don’t work half  of the time.

Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: ONE … He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.

Q: What is a man’s idea of foreplay?

A: A half hour of begging.

Q: How does a man show he’s planning for the future?

A: He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

Q: What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog?

A: (1) A dog is always happy to see you; (2) A dog only takes a couple  of months to train.

Q: Why are blonde jokes so short?

A: So men can remember them.

Q: What do you call a man with half a brain?

A: Gifted.

Q: What did God say after creating man?

A: I can do much better.

Q: Why did God create man before woman?

A: Because you’re always supposed to have a rough draft before  creating your masterpiece.

Q: What’s a man’s idea of honesty in a relationship?

A: Telling you his real name

Q: What’s the smartest thing a man can say?

A: “My wife says…”

Q: Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?

A: Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.

Q: Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize one egg?

A: Because not one will stop and ask for directions.

Q: What do you call an intelligent man in America?

A: A tourist.

Q: How many men does it take to pop popcorn?

A: Three. One to hold the pan and two others to act macho and shake  the stove.

Q: What is the thinnest book in the world?

A: “What men know about women.”

Q: What is the thickest book in the world?

A: “What Men Think They Know About Women.”

Q: What’s the difference between men and government bonds?

A: Bonds mature.

Q: How do you save a man from drowning?

A: Take your foot off his head.

Q: How can you tell if a man is happy?

A: Who cares?

Q: What is a man’s idea of doing housework?

A: Lifting his leg so you can vacuum.

Q: Why is it good that there are women astronauts?

A: So that when the crew gets lost in space, at least the women will  ask for directions.

Q: Why are men like commercials?

A: You can’t believe a word they say.

Q: Why are men like blenders?

A: You need one, but you’re not quite sure why.

Q: What is the only time a man thinks about a candlelight dinner?

A: When the power goes off.

Q: How is a man like the weather?

A: Nothing can be done to change either one of them.

Q: Why do men buy electric lawn mowers?

A: So they can find their way back to the house.

Q: What’s the difference between a man and a parrot?

A: You can teach a parrot to talk nicely.

Q: How do men define insomnia?

A: Waking up every few days.

Q: Why are married women heavier than single women?

A: Single women come home, see what’s in the refrigerator and go to bed.

Married women come home, see what’s in bed and go to the refrigerator.

Q: What did God say after she made Eve?

A: “Practice makes perfect.”

Q: How do women define a 50/50 relationship?

A: We cook/they eat; We clean/they dirt; We iron/ they wrinkle.

Q: How are men like noodles?

A: They are always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough.

Q: When does a man open the door of the car for his wife?

A: (1) When he has a new car; (2) When he has a new wife.

Q: Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than to  improving their minds?

A: Because most men are stupid, but few are blind.

Q: What’s the only way to have your husband remember your anniversary?

A: Get married on his birthday.

Q: Why did God make men smell so bad?

A: So that blind women can hate them too.

Q: Why won’t real men admit to injury?

A: Because they’re afraid of being returned as damaged goods.

Q: What is the one thing men never want to admit to women?

A: That they are always right!

Categories: English

ANY MORE PROBLEM?

July 23, 2007 · No Comments

“Great point and funny too.”

 This works for me.   “BUSH JUNIOR SAID.”

 Everyone concentrates on the problems we’re having in this country

Lately; Illegal immigration, hurricane recovery, alligators  attacking people in Florida.

“Not me.”  BUSH  JUNIOR SAID, “I concentrate on solutions for the problems. It’s a win-win  situation.”

Dig a moat the length of the Mexican border.

Send the dirt to New Orleans to raise the level of the levies.

 Put the Florida alligators in the moat along the Mexican border.

Any other problems you would like for me to solve today?

Categories: English

A…B…C…D… of LOVE

July 23, 2007 · 5 Comments

A - You are Attractive

B - You are the Best

C - You are Cute

D - You are Darling

E - You are Excellent

F - You are Funny

G - You are Good Looking

H - Ho, Ho, Ho…

I - I am

J - Just

K - Kidding

L - My Love

Categories: Blogroll · English

આજની જોક

July 23, 2007 · No Comments

નટુ

કેમ આટલો બધો મુંઝાયેલો દેખાય છે ?

ગટુ

ઘેર તારી ભાભી સાથે ઝઘડો થઈ ગયો હતો. એણે અઠવાડીયા સુધી નહીં બોલવાની ધમકી આપી હતી.

નટુ

અરે એ તો આનંદની વાત છે ! અઠવાડીયું જલસા કર ને યાર!

ગટુ

શેના જલસા! આજે અઠવાડીયાનો છેલ્લો દીવસ છે !

Categories: આજની જોક

HOW TRUE !!

July 22, 2007 · No Comments

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS 

   Smart man + smart woman = romance 
 

Smart man + dumb woman = affair

Dumb man + smart woman = marriage

Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy


  OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit

Smart boss+dumbemploye=Production   
 

Dumb boss + smart employee

=promotion

Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime 
 

SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.  

A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn’t need. 


 GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.  

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.  

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.  

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.  

A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, and she does. 


 

Categories: English

CYANIDE USE !!!

July 22, 2007 · 1 Comment

A calm, and respectable lady went into the pharmacy right up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, “I would like to buy some cyanide.”

The pharmacist asked, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?”

The lady replied, “I need it to poison my husband.”

The pharmacist’s eyes got big, and he exclaimed, “Lord, have mercy!  I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband! That’s against the law!  I’ll lose my license! They’ll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen! Absolutely not!  You CANNOT have any cyanide!”
 

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife.
 

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, “Well! now,That’s different.You didn’t tell me you had a prescription.”

Categories: English

I RATHER BE BOSS !!

July 22, 2007 · 2 Comments

When you don’t do it, you’re lazy.

When your boss doesn’t do it, he’s too busy.

When you make a mistake, you’re an idiot.

When your boss makes a mistake, he’s only human.

When doing something without being told, you’re oversteppingy the  authority.

When your boss does the same thing, that’s initiative.

When you take a stand, you’re being pig-headed.

When your boss does it, he’s being firm.

When you overlooked a rule of etiquette, you’re being rude.

When your boss skips a few rules, he’s being original.

When you please your boss, you’re arse-creeping.

When your boss pleases his boss, he’s being co-operative.

When you’re out of the office, you’re wandering around.

When your boss is out of the office, he’s on business.

When you’re on a day off sick, you’re always sick.

When your boss has a day off sick, he must be very ill.

When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview.

When your boss applies for leave, it’s because he’s overworked.

Categories: English

SARDARJI

July 22, 2007 · 1 Comment

1. Sardar comes back 2 his car & finds a note saying “Parking Fine”
He writes a note and sticks it 2 pole “Thanks for the complement”

2 How do you recognize a Sardar in School?

He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.

3. Once a Sardar was walking and had a glove on one hand and not on other so the man asked him why did he do so?

He replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.

4. Sardarji bought a brand new Maruti and decided to drive down from Amritsar , where he lived, to Jalandar to meet his friend. He reached there in a few hours. After spending a few days there, he decided to return, and called up his mother to expect him in the evening. But he didn’t reach in the evening and not the next day either. When he finally reached home on the third day, his distraught mother ran and asked him ” Arre Puttar, ki hoya?”
The Sardarji got out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and said,
“Oy, ye Marutti wale pagal hain, agge jaane waaste chaar gear banaate hain, Aur pichche jaane waaste sirf ik?”

5. Teacher: Can you tell me something about Raja Ram Mohan Roy?
Saradji: They were  FOUR best friends..!

6. Sardar said:Mujhe India Ka Flag Dikhao.

Shopkeeper ne Flag Dikhaya.

SARDARJI: Isme aur Colour Dikhao.

7. How can a Sardar Kill a Lion? Sardarji thinks and thinks hard & comes to a conclusion: I’ll drink poison and let lion eat me.

O’ bolo ta ra ra  ra…

Sardarj: Sitting on The Top of the Mountain and Studying…. When a
Person asked what he was doing.

 He replied… “Oe!! Higher Studies yaar…!!!

10. Sardar with a new mobile called everyone from his Phone Book & said “My MobileNo. has changed Earlier it was Nokia 3310 Now it is 6610″

11. Sardar falls in Love with Nurse. He writes a Love letter to her, ” I
LOVE  you SISTER.”

12. What is Common between: Krishna , Ram, Gandhi ji & Jesus..?
Sardar ji Replied: All are born on Government Holidays.

Categories: સરદારજી