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Entries from April 2007

Wal-Mart Diagnosis

April 6, 2007 · No Comments

“”Wal-Mart” diagnosis

One day, in line at a company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him, “My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor.”

“Listen, you don’t have to spend that kind of money,” Mike replies.

“There’s a diagnostic computer down at Wal-mart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what’s wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars… a lot cheaper than a doctor.”

So Joe puts a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-mart.

He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.

Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: You have tennis elbow. Soak it in warm water a nd avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. Tha nk you for shopping @ Wal-mart.

That afternoon, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled. When he got home, he mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter and his own sperm sample for good measure, and hurried to Wal-mart before it closed, eager to check the results.

He deposited ten dollars, poured in his concoction, and awaited the results.

The computer lights up, and ten seconds later prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener kit. (Aisle 9) 2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7) 3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.

4 Your wife is pregnant, Twins. They aren’t yours. Get a lawyer.

5. If you don’t stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better .

Thank you for shopping @ Wal-mart

Categories: English

MEN YOU ARE THE PROBLEM !

April 6, 2007 · No Comments

Okay, Okay, it all makes sense

now…

I never looked at it this way

before:


 

MENtal illness 
 

MENstrual cramps

MENtal breakdown
 

MENopause

GUYnecologist

AND

When we have REAL

trouble, it’s a

HISterectomy.

Ever notice how all of women’s problems start with

MEN ? Send this to all the women you know to brighten their day.

Send this to all the men just to annoy them

Categories: English

TRY THIS !

April 6, 2007 · No Comments

Try this experiment.

Put a bird feeder in your yard and fill it with bird seed.It doesn’t take long before the birds learn that a free meal is in the offing. They come by the hundreds.Now, empty the feeder. What happens? No more birds.Take away the free medical care. Take away the free schooling. Take away the free welfare. Take away the jobs.

What happens?
 

No more illegals. 

WOW!! What a simple solution!No need for a border fence at the cost of hundreds of millions of tax dollars.

Do you think this could work?

Maybe we should pass these thoughts around. Hmmmmm???

Categories: English

Question to Answer…

April 2, 2007 · 1 Comment

PLEASE TRY TO GIVE YO
UR OWN  ANSWERS BEFORE SEEING THE ANSWER……

Below are four (4) questions and a bonus question. You have to answer them instantly. You can’t take your time, answer all of them immediately. OK?


Ready? GO!!! (scroll down slowly)


First Question:

Y
ou are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?


Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are

absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second!


Try not to screw up in the next question.


To answer the second question, don’t take as much time as you took for the first question!


Second Question:
I
f you overtake the last person, then you are…?


Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person?


You’re not very good at this! Are you?


Third Question:

V
ery tricky math! Note: This must be done in your head only.

Do NOT use paper! and pencil or a calculator. Try it.


Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000
Now add 10. What is the total?


Scroll down for answer.


Did you get 5000? The correct answer is actually 4100.


Don’t believe it? Check with your calculator! Today is definitely not your day. Maybe you will get the last question right?
!


Mary’s father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini,

4. Nono.


What is the name of the fifth daughter?


Answer: Nunu?


NO! Of course not. Her name is Mary. Read the question again


Okay, now the bonus round.
!

T
here is a mute person who wants to buy a toothbrush. By
imitating the action of brushing one’s teeth he successfully

expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is
done.


Now if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of
sunglasses, how should he express himself?


He just has to open his mouth and ask, so simple.


KEEP THIS GOING TO FRUSTRATE THE SMART PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE!


Categories: English

Few new definations

April 1, 2007 · No Comments

School:  A place where Papa pays and Son plays. 

life Insurance:  A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that You can die Rich.  Nurse:  A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.

Marriage: It’s an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree And a woman gains her masters.Divorce: Future tense of Marriage.

Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by Feminine waterpower. Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through “the minds of Either”

Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody Believes he got the biggest piece.

Dictionary : A place where success comes before work. Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and Everybody disagrees later on.

Father : A banker provided by nature.

Criminal: A guy no different from the rest….except that he got Caught. Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are Early. Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.

Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.Classic : Books, which people praise, but do not read.

Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight. Office :  A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

Etc .: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you Actually do. Committe e : Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to Decide that nothing can be done together. Experience : The name men give to their mistakes. Atom Bomb : An invention to end all inventions.Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when Dead

Categories: English