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Wal-Mart Diagnosis

April 6, 2007 · No Comments

“”Wal-Mart” diagnosis

One day, in line at a company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him, “My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor.”

“Listen, you don’t have to spend that kind of money,” Mike replies.

“There’s a diagnostic computer down at Wal-mart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what’s wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars… a lot cheaper than a doctor.”

So Joe puts a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-mart.

He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.

Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: You have tennis elbow. Soak it in warm water a nd avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. Tha nk you for shopping @ Wal-mart.

That afternoon, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled. When he got home, he mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter and his own sperm sample for good measure, and hurried to Wal-mart before it closed, eager to check the results.

He deposited ten dollars, poured in his concoction, and awaited the results.

The computer lights up, and ten seconds later prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener kit. (Aisle 9) 2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7) 3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.

4 Your wife is pregnant, Twins. They aren’t yours. Get a lawyer.

5. If you don’t stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better .

Thank you for shopping @ Wal-mart

Categories: English

MEN YOU ARE THE PROBLEM !

April 6, 2007 · No Comments

Okay, Okay, it all makes sense

now…

I never looked at it this way

before:


 

MENtal illness 
 

MENstrual cramps

MENtal breakdown
 

MENopause

GUYnecologist

AND

When we have REAL

trouble, it’s a

HISterectomy.

Ever notice how all of women’s problems start with

MEN ? Send this to all the women you know to brighten their day.

Send this to all the men just to annoy them

Categories: English

TRY THIS !

April 6, 2007 · No Comments

Try this experiment.

Put a bird feeder in your yard and fill it with bird seed.It doesn’t take long before the birds learn that a free meal is in the offing. They come by the hundreds.Now, empty the feeder. What happens? No more birds.Take away the free medical care. Take away the free schooling. Take away the free welfare. Take away the jobs.

What happens?
 

No more illegals. 

WOW!! What a simple solution!No need for a border fence at the cost of hundreds of millions of tax dollars.

Do you think this could work?

Maybe we should pass these thoughts around. Hmmmmm???

Categories: English