How the brain thinks when they hear the question?

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, “Where am I, Cathy?”
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty year old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he’s twenty
________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when you’re picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh?
____________________________________________

And saving the best for last…
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

આજનું કાર્ટુન -6

આ  ભાઇને સાસુજીની પધરામણી થાય તે પછીના જોખમોની ખબર લાગતી નથી !

दो लतिफे – हिन्दीमें

दो मित्र खजानेकी शोधमें निकले

एकने कहा, ” अरे यार, सोना ( Gold) कहां है?”

दूसरा बोला , ” अरे, जहां सोना ( Sleep ) हो सो जा ! “

—————————————————–

एक मित्र बोला , ” यार उसने हमारे साथ गद्दारी की है.”

दूसरा  – ‘उसके एक हाथमें टाइटन और दूसरे हाथमें एच. एम.टी. की घडी पहना दो.”

पहला – ” पर क्यों ? “

दूसरा – ” वह अब दो घडीका मेहमान हो जायगा ! “

!! श्री हास्य देवाय नमः !! – ગાંગજી શેઠિયા.

हास्यं ब्रह्मा, हास्यं विष्णुर, हास्य देवो महेश्वरः !
हास्यं साक्षात पर ब्रह्म, तस्मै श्री हास्याय नमः !!
या देवी सर्वभूतेषू हास्यरुपेण संस्थिता !
नमस्तस्यै नमस्तस्यै हास्य देव्यै नमो नमः !!

!! ॐ श्री स्मिताय नमः, श्री हसिताय नमः !!
श्री विहसिताय नमः, श्री अवहसिताय नमः !
श्री अतिहसिताय नमः, श्री अपहसिताय नमः !
ॐ हास्य सम्राट पुरुषोत्तमाय नमो नमः !
ॐ हास्यमदः हास्यमिद, हास्याद हास्यमुदच्चते !
हास्यंस्य हास्यमादाय हास्यमेवाव शिष्यते !!
ॐ शान्तिः शान्तिः शान्तिः !!

ઉપલેટાથી ભાઇ શ્રી. અમિત પીસાવાડીયાનો આભાર – આ કૃતિ ટાઇપ કરીને મોકલવા માટે.

આજનું કાર્ટૂન – 5

તમે જમવા માટે આમંત્રણ આપ્યું છે , તે તો હું મારી મમ્મીને કહીશ.
પણ આન્ટી ! જો અમારે ખાવાનું લાવવાનું હશે ને,
તો મારી મમ્મી ના જ પાડશે.
હું જાણું છું ને મારી મમ્મીને !  

સરદાર વિશે કોયડા ના ઉકેલ

• સ્નો મેનના આકારમાં સરદારજી બનાવતાં કેમ  વાર થાય છે?
  • માથું ખાલી રાખવું પડે માટે !
• સરદારજી આઇસ ક્યુબ કેમ બનાવી ન શક્યા?
  • તેમને રેસીપી આવડતી ન હતી !
• દસ સરદારો એક્બીજાના કાન અડે તે રીતે ઊભા હોય તો તેને શું કહેવાય?
  • વીન્ડ ટનેલ !
• સરદારે પક્ષીને કઇ રીતે મારી નાખવા પ્રયત્ન કર્યો?
  • ટેકરી પરથી ફેંકી દીધું !
• સરદારજી બન્ને કાને હાથ સખત દબાવીને બેઠા હતા. કેમ?
  • માંડ આવેલો વિચાર ભાગી  જાય તો ? !

પી. સી. -3 ના જવાબ

• યુવાનીમાં કાર ચલાવતાં ચલાવતાં ઝોકા ખાવાથી શો ફાયદો થાય?
  • વૃધ્ધાવસ્થા કદી ન આવે !
• પૃથ્વી પર રહેવાનો મોટામાં મોટો ફાયદો કયો?
  • દરરોજ મફતમાં બ્રહ્માંડની સહેલ મળે છે.
• પાંચ વરસની નાની નેહાએ નવા જન્મેલા તેના ભાઇને જોઇને શું કહ્યું ?
  • એના દાંત તો દાદાજી જેવા છે!
• દરિયો કેમ ઘૂઘવે છે?
  • તેના પેટમાં મોટી શાર્ક અને વ્હેલ માછલીઓ છે માટે !
• ‘Cat Family’ ના છ સભ્યોના નામ આપો.
  • ડેડી, મમ્મી અને ચાર બચ્ચાં !

Dog Is Guru

Who is teaching who new tricks?

True or False?

Can you guess which of the following are true and which are false?

1. Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.

2. Alfred Hitchcock didn't have a belly button.
3. A pack-a-day smoker will lose approximately 2 teeth every 10 years.
4. People do not get sick from cold weather; it's from being indoors a lot
more.
5. When you sneeze, all bodily functions stop, even your heart!
6. Only 7 per cent of the population are lefties.
7. Forty people are sent to the hospital for dog bites every minute.
8. Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until they are 2-6
years old.
9. The average person over 50 years old will have spent almost 5 years
waiting in lines.
10. The toothbrush was invented in 1498.
11. The average housefly lives for one month.
12. 40,000 Americans are injured by toilets each year.
13. A coat hanger is 44 inches long when straightened.
14. The average computer user blinks 7 times a minute.
15. Your feet are bigger in the afternoon than any other time of day.
16. Most of us have eaten a spider in our sleep.
17. The REAL reason ostriches stick their head in the sand is to search for
water.
18. The only two animals that can see behind themselves without turning
their heads are the rabbit and the parrot.
19. John Travolta turned down the starring roles in "An Officer and a
Gentleman" and "Tootsie."
20. Michael Jackson owns the rights to the South Carolina State Anthem.
21. In most television commercials advertising milk, a mixture of white
paint and a little thinner is used in place of the milk.
22. Prince Charles and Prince William NEVER travel on the same airplane,
just in case there is a crash.
23. The first Harley Davidson motorcycle, built in 1903, used a tomato can
for a carburetor.
24. Most hospitals make money by selling the umbilical cords cut from women
who give birth. They are used in vein transplant surgery.
25. Humphrey Bogart was related to Princess Diana. They were 7th cousins.
26. If coloring weren't added to Coca-Cola, it would be green.

Scroll Down..........

They are all true.... Now go back and think about #16

સરદાર વિશે કોયડા

સરદાર અને કોયડા? સરદાર પોતે જ કોયડા જેવા હોય છે !

જોક બાજુએ મૂકી (!) આજે આપણે ગંભીર (!) રીતે નીચેના કોયડા ઊકેલવાના છે -

1. સ્નો મેનના આકારમાં સરદારજી બનાવતાં કેમ  વાર થાય છે?
2. સરદારજી આઇસ ક્યુબ કેમ બનાવી ન શક્યા?
3. દસ સરદારો એક્બીજાના કાન અડે તે રીતે ઊભા હોય તો તેને શું કહેવાય?
4. સરદારે પક્ષીને કઇ રીતે મારી નાખવા પ્રયત્ન કર્યો?
5. સરદારજી બન્ને કાને હાથ સખત દબાવીને બેઠા હતા. કેમ?

તમારા જવાબો નીચે આપો. જે કોઇ સરદારજીથી પણ વધારે સરદાર હશે તેમના લાભાર્થે આવતી કાલે સાચા જવાબો આપવામાં આવશે !!